From Darkness and Light
by Lillibetm3
Summary: RoseNine AU story set after PoTW. The time vortex has changed Rose. But this new Rose isn't what she seems, and both life and death have staked a claim on her. True love lasts forever.
1. Shadows

CHAPTER ONE : SHADOWS

She sat on the floor of the TARDIS, her legs pulled up, her knees tucked under her chin, her arms wrapped tight around herself, her head bowed so that her face was hidden behind a curtain of long dark hair. She rocked herself quietly, like a mother lulls a baby to sleep. But she wasn't trying to fall into blissful slumber, far from it, she was already held in a waking nightmare. This wasn't a dream. This was reality, a new reality, one she hadn't bargained for after saving the Doctor, her Doctor. Saving humanity. Saving everything that was and ever could be.

The Doctor remained at a safe distance, across the console room, watching her with compassionate eyes. He'd barely looked away from her once since it had happened. His attention had strayed only long enough to get them away from that damn place, to get Rose away from the horrors that had gone on there.

Before she could be hurt, before she would die a certain death, he had sent her home. He had wanted her safe. Safe and alive. So he had tricked her into leaving... never thinking that she'd figure out a way back to him. He really hadn't given her enough credit on that score. Maybe he was to blame for what had happened then? If he'd done things differently, if he'd made sure...

He saw her make a sudden movement; her head jerked up and she glared at him with unfamilair green eyes filled with tears. They cut him down, and he looked away. Coward. Every time.

"Not your fault." She said, her cheeks wet with tears, and where once would be streaks of mascara, there were none. He wondered why that seemed to hurt him so much. Her voice was not her voice, not the one he remembered. He tried not to mourn it's loss, but to know that he would never hear it again... he resolved that he would carry his wounds unseen, deep within his hearts.

He looked back at her. "Rose?"

"Not even sure if that's who I am anymore." She glanced up at him, more tears ready to fall from her eyes. "I can feel two hearts." She admitted. "What am I? What did I become Doctor? What do you see when you look at me?" Her tears fell and he moved toward her, falling to his knees and wrapping her into his arms, holding her as she trembled then broke, she sobbed against his shoulder, and he let her cry. He pressed his face into her hair and breathed in the scent of her, not recognising it as Rose, and suddenly feeling a loss so strong he had to bite down on a cry of grief from his own throat. He did not deserve to feel loss, not when Rose had given up so much to save him. He didn't deserve her. She was an angel in his arms, and he was as close to being the devil as he had ever been. He had wanted to save her, instead he had damned her.

"Not your fault." She repeated softly, her tears stopping, her breath slowly returning to an easier pace. "I knew what I was doing."

He shook his head. "You couldn't have known what would happen."

"Thought I'd die I s'pose. But I was prepared for that." She stared at him. "Didn't think about this though. Didn't think I'd... change."

"It's still you." The Doctor tried to reassure her. "You're still Rose Tyler."

She looked at him with a sudden flash of venom in her green eyes. "No I'm not. She's dead. She burned up and went to hell with the Daleks. I'm what's left. The vortex made me up of what was left over . I'm just ash and bone and shadows from a golden light. I'm re born. But I'm not the same. Never will be, never could be. Rose Tyler is dead and gone." She tore her eyes from him. "I don't even know what I am anymore."

"Rose." He said softly, touching her cheek. "Rose."

She turned her face to look at him, and he saw her frightend eyes. He cupped her face in his hands.

"You are Rose. You'll always be Rose Tyler. That's how it works."

He traced her cheek softly then leant in and tasted the salt of her tears and he kissed her eyes as they fluttered closed. He trailed a soft pathway of kisses to her lips and claimed her mouth, sweeping it up in a kiss sweet enough to break a stone heart. She responded quickly, kissing him back until he barely knew sense. But he knew truth. He knew one absolute bright golden truth, that blazed like a star in a black night sky.

She was Rose, always would be Rose. His Rose . Now and forever. 


	2. Fearful

CHAPTER TWO : FEARFUL

She broke the kiss suddenly and without warning, pulling away from his touch, his loving caress. She stared at him with wide eyes then shook her head and moved further from him, almost as if she was afraid.

"No. Don't... don't do that. Stop it. I can't... I can't..." She turned her face away, leaning into the wall of the TARDIS. "Please," she let out a stifled sob. "It's too much."

The Doctor glanced away, not quite brave enough yet to meet her fearful expression. He shouldn't have done that. She was stretched to almost breaking point and couldn't process her feelings. So what had he done? Charged in with boots on, messing things up in her head! This was all new to her. Too much, too soon. He should have understood. But he'd only wanted to show her that she wasn't alone. That he was with her, and always would be. He didn't want her to be afraid, not of anything, especially not him.

"I'm so sorry Rose. I won't... it's okay." He attempted a smile."Whatever you want is okay."

She looked at him, her green eyes darkening. She held her breath until both her hearts felt as if they were about to burst, then she let it out and almost smiled at him. Almost.

"Sleep," she said softly. "I want to sleep. I'm so tired Doctor."

"Course you are." He moved to take her hand, but she pulled it away almost as if his touch burned.

"S'okay." She said, grabbing on to a piece of the TARDIS and pulling herself up, then leaning heavily against the wall. "I can manage."

He stood watching her, seeing her struggle to stand. She was in pain and trying to hide it, but he knew, he understood. Regeneration was never easy, even for a Time Lord. He could scarcely imagine what it was doing to Rose.

"I just want to help." He spoke the words he had only meant to think, and he regretted them instantly.

"Don't need your help." She looked at him, burned herself into him. "I'm fine." As if to prove her point she stepped away from the wall of the TARDIS, letting go. "See," she said, her voice carrying a satisfied note. "Don't need..." She slumped forward before she could finish, and the Doctor moved quickly to scoop her up into his arms.

"We can argue about this later if you like," he said as he carried her through the TARDIS corridors to her room. "You can call me all the names under the sun if you want to , but if you think I'm letting you go through this on your own -- you've got another thing coming."

He looked into her face that lay resting against his shoulder, and hoped that she couldn't see the panic in his eyes. She surprised him with a smile instead.

"I'm so sorry," she wispered as her eyes fluttered closed. "My Doctor..."

His hearts soared suddenly at hearing what she had called him. 'My Doctor'. He held her a little closer, and smiled at her beautiful face. She was still his Rose. She was still there, under the skin.

He walked into her room and gently laid her down onto her soft bed. She looked so peaceful now. He tenderly brushed aside a stray curl of rich brown hair that had fallen to cover her cheek. As his fingers brushed across her skin he noted she was cooler to the touch than she should be. Then at the same moment he realised that this new Time Lord was an entirely differnt creature from what she had once been, and he smiled softly to himself. Time Lord, he thought with absolute wonder. She was like him now. He wasn't alone anymore.

Unable to stop himself he leant close to her face and kissed her silent lips. They were cold and still and... he pulled back, a frown appearing. He put his fingertips to the side of her throat to feel the double pulse he knew should be there, but it was not. Not two beats, not one. None. Nothing.

Taken with sudden fear he pulled her body into his arms. She did not stir. He held her as his world fell away. She wasn't breathing.

"No!" Flames of anger swept through him as he cursed the universe for it's savage cruelty. "Rose don't you dare die on me! Not again." 


	3. Games That Gods Play

CHAPTER THREE : GAMES THAT GODS PLAY

Life and death are just games that Gods play, like people play chess or cards. In the end there are three options; win, lose, or draw. This time the Doctor had drawn. Although he wasn't entirely sure the game was over yet, so he waited and watched, incase of another move.

He sat by Rose's bed, his cold grey blue eyes fixed on her face, his hand holding hers. His thumb was pressed against the fragile pulse that he'd somehow forced back into her body, as he'd breathed his breath into her lungs and beaten an irregular rhythm back into her still hearts. He didn't know how long it had been, since she'd rewarded him with a desperate gasp for breath. She had not woken, she had merely returned to life, her body was not ready to wake, it needed time to heal, time to become.

She'd breathed in and out a hundred and fifty times before he'd dared to stop counting, but he still listened for the sound of inhale and exhale, still watched for the rise and fall. He wouldn't give them up so quickly, not till he felt that it was safe to do so. He softly stoked his thumb across the slow beat at Rose's wrist and closed his eyes, feeling it pulse through him like an echo. Like a voice, a whisper, telling him that she was still alive.

Her hand moved slightly in his, and his eyes shot open, bright with fear, but it passed in a moment as Rose's fingers curled into his, the way she had done countless times... before. He looked at her hand held in his and smiled slightly. He began counting the steady pulse he felt there. Just for a little while, he thought, just to be on the safe side.

He made it to seven thousand, three hundred and nine, before the Gods grew weary and walked away from the game. He fell asleep, not knowing he had won.

xxxxx

She stood infront of the mirror and looked at herself with hollow eyes. She decided that she was no taller than she had been, and that her figure was the same. But she was changed, altered, made new. Her skin was pale, too long out of the sun, the way it used to look after a long cold winter. Her eyes were perhaps the most striking change; they were dark pools of moss green now, flecked with Seville orange flames and long dark lashes framed them to perfection. Her lips were full and berry red, almost as if she'd been eating wild fruits on a hot summers day and stained them with ripe juices. Her hair was soft, straight, brown and unnecessarily long, it covered her shoulders and ran down her back to almost her waist. She wove her fingers into its softness, and pulled at it and wondered where she might find scissors.

A Rose by any other name. She almost smiled. Do I not smell as sweet? Do I not bleed? Do I not live? Do I not die? She looked at the razor on the shelf and picked it up almost without realising it. Removing the blade, she hesitated for a second, catching sight of the face of the girl who stared at her in the mirror.

"What you looking at?" She asked angrily. "My choice isn't it? This was a mistake. You shouldn't be here. You don't belong. I should be dead. I can't do this... I'm not... I'm not even human anymore."

She pressed the blade to her wrist and cut. The blood trickled slow at first, dark and red and mixed with pain, but soon enough the pain was gone, and the face of the girl in the mirror watched without expression. 

xxxxx

The silence woke him. He opened his eyes, shocked that he had fallen asleep at all. Some night watchman he'd make. He saw the bed was empty and his stomach lurched. Silence as loud at this was always a bad thing. Up on his feet in one movement, turning, knocking over the chair, in his haste to track down Rose. He left the bedroom behind, somehow knowing that the TARDIS was on his side.

He pushed open a door and found her, she was slumped on the bathroom floor. The large mirror that had filled one wall was broken into pieces, shattered and splintered all over the floor, like a crystal blizzard had swept through the room. His keen eyes saw the blood, even before his brain realised what it was, or what she had done. He let out a moan of despair and as he moved to scoop her back up into his arms once more, Rose lifted her head to look at him, bewilderment in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I don't think I really meant to. It's just she wouldn't stop looking at me."

The Doctor held her tightly and nodded. "It's alright, we'll get you patched up. Don't do it again eh?" He didn't want to frighten her, especially as he was terrified enough for the both of them. "Rose?"

She glanced up and nodded. "S'okay. I won't do it again... promise." She leant her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes.

xxxxx

She sat quite still on the bench top of the med lab, her arms held out before her as the Doctor finished wrapping clean white bandages around both her wrists. His hands were shaking.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He looked up."I know."

"You think I'll do it again." It wasn't a question.

He shook his head."You won't."

Her eyes narrowed a little. "How do you know?" She tilted her her head and waited for his reply.

"You promised."

She hesitated then smiled at him."I did?"

"You did." He lifted her off the bench and held her infront of him, looking into her face. "You don't break promises do you?"

She stared up at him and shook her head, like a child. I'll be good. I'll be careful. I'll be... "Can I go back to my room now?"

"In a sec." He turned and walked over to a locked cupboard, taking a key from his pocket and opening it. He returned to her side, a syringe in his hand, its body filled with a pale blue liquid. He looked at her and almost weakend under her gaze, seeing a spark of fear briefly burn in her eyes. He steadied his nerve. "This won't hurt... well, it'll sting a bit I s'pose, but only for a second then you'll be okay."

"What is it?"

"Something to help you sleep."

"I don't want it."

"You don't have a choice."

She shot him a dark look, and tried to push past him. "I said I don't want..."

He grabbed her arm, and swung her back to him, holding her fast. "I'm so sorry Rose." He pushed the needle into her arm and let the blue liquid surge into her bloodstream.

She struggled, kicked and bit. She cursed at him, and she fought him, her body stronger than it had once been, but he held her firm, until he felt her slump against him. He put the used syringe down onto the counter top, and swept Rose's body back into his arms, where she lay like a rag doll as he carried her back to her room. He loathed and despised himself for what he had done, but he'd had no choice, she'd proven that for the time being at least, she was a danger to herself.

He lay her down onto her bed, pulled up the cover and made a mental note to lock away everything he could find that was even remotely sharp.

He pressed a firm kiss against her forehead, wordlessly begging her forgivness, then he walked out of the room, closed the door and locked it.

. 


	4. Everything Happens at Least Once

I'm very sorry about the delay that's happened with my stories. I have been in a car crash (really I have!), and have only just got out of hospital. As you can imagine, I don't feel much like writing, but I found this chapter in my inbox from my beta reader, so as it was already done I thought I'd post it. Other chapters and other story updates may take a little longer. Thanks. Lillibetm3

CHAPTER FOUR : EVERYTHING HAPPENS AT LEAST ONCE

Adventures were put on hold. Rose had become top priority. The Doctor pored over every book in the TARDIS library that even mentioned regeneration, even the ones written by Time Lords he'd previously considered pompous idiots, suddenly became necessary and valued research material. Grasping at straws, he cross referenced everything he could find. But he kept coming up empty handed, hitting brick walls and dead ends and blind corners. In the end he had to accept the certainty of what he already knew. No human had ever regenerated before... or if they had then the powers that be, namely the Time Lords themselves had swept away the event into oblivion. But if he was honest, he had to go with his gut reaction. This was a unique event. Not for the first time in his life he wished that he was wrong. He wished that it had happened before. He wished that he knew what he was supposed to do next.

He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. The image of Rose slumped on the floor, her blood streaming into pools from her wrists, haunted him, and he pushed it away unwanted. The regeneration process was painfully difficult. A Time Lord knew the risks involved, it was part of their genetic make up, something they understood, expected, sometimes even welcomed. For them it was just another stage in their life cycle. But Humans were different. They were small and weak and fragile. They were barely out of the trees. Regeneration of a Human body, a Human mind, could only bring enormous trauma. It wasn't meant to happen. Humans weren't ready to -- evolve, at such incredible speed. It was little wonder that Rose's body hadn't been strong enough to survive the transformation, and utterly amazing that he'd managed to force life back into her at all, when her hearts had stopped beating. He wondered if he'd done the right thing -- bringing her back. Had he done it to save her life, or his? What if it happened again? Would he do anything to keep her alive? Or did he love her enough to let her go? The questions grew louder in his head, until they were screaming to be answered. But he had no answers.

Rage took him and he swept the piles of books off the desk top. They crashed to the floor like the wounded and the dead of a legendary battle. He stared at them. Pages upon pages of the wisdom of his people. Countless races, planets, systems and galaxys. The knowledge of them all was here in this one room, yet they had failed him.

Perhaps for that reason, he determind that he could not, would not, ever, fail Rose.

Wearily, a man almost broken, he bent down and began the process of collecting up the books and returning them to the desk top. He had no choice but to continue searching, if he stopped... what would that mean for Rose? His body chilled with the thought.

His eyes fell to a page in the book he was holding as he straightened himself and turned to place it on the desk. He stopped suddenly and re read. Then again. Again. His brain ticked over slowly. Faster. Whirred. A slow smile became a broad smile, and that became a grin so wide and euphoric he almost cried out. Then he did cry out, the brilliance of pure chance sweeping through him. He put his hands to his head and paced back and forth, trying to calm his brain as thoughts and ideas and madness surged through every neuron and synapse. He knew he had to slow his thought process down, or he would surely miss something, something that could be important, crutial. The idea of missing something, missing anything, terrified him. He closed him eyes, losing himself for a second as he considered the quickening beat of his hearts. He concentrated on bringing it down, slowing it, along with his breathing, gradually allowing his mind to follow the same path, until he was still and calm once more. Now in control again, he opened his eyes and returned his attention to the problem at hand.

It was in the blood. Life was in the blood. The key to helping Rose had to be in her genetic make up. She was Human, and Humans didn't regenerate. Time Lords regenerated. How had he been so stupid? So incredibly stupid as to miss what was blindingly obvious.

The first time Rose had died... he flinched at the memory but pushed on, the first time she had died had been on Satellite Five. She'd absorbed the time vortex, been swept up by a golden light and reborn into the Rose he was desperately trying to save now. But the second time... when she had died in his arms and he hadn't even known until it was too late, and her hearts had stopped beating. That time she hadn't regenarated. He'd been the one to bring her back to life. He'd refused to let her go. At the time, the fear and the relief had consumed him so much that he hadn't considered why her body hadn't regenrated a second time. But now he did consider it.

Her regeneration on Satellite Five played through his head like a horror movie. The TARDIS and the time vortex, and any number of miracles had conspired to bring her back to him. But she had died again. He had held her cold body in his arms and traced her lips with his own and taken a cold kiss. She had been dead. Why hadn't she regenerated a second time?

Because, because, because... she was still Human -- or at least part. Realisation hit hard. HIS lovely, special, amazing, wonderful, fantastic, Rose was still there, mixed up like a cocktail in a fancy nightclub with whatever Time Lord ingredients the time vortex and the TARDIS had chosen to throw into the mix to save her life. Because now he understood. That is what the TARDIS had done for Rose -- for him. Saved her life.

He felt his mind surge with endless possibilities. Safe and not so safe. Mad and quite insane. Impossible and... hell, NOTHING was impossible. He knew that now. Rose just being alive had proven it.

He turned around and set off toward the door. Things to do. Things to do. Then suddenly he stopped, his smile drifting away. What he had to do... she wouldn't like it. 


	5. Under The Skin

CHAPTER FIVE : UNDER THE SKIN

"Doctor."

He looked up from his books, pages of mindless, frantic, scribbles and calculations.

"Doctor!"

She was awake. He turned his attention to the monitor he'd set up to observe Rose since moving her from her room to the med bay. She turned her face to look directly into the camera, it was as if she knew he was watching. His blood ran cold from the look in her eyes. He actually felt a sense of relief wash through him when she at last looked away.

"DOCTOR !"

Awake and angry. Very angry. He picked up a small glass bottle he had next to him and stared at it -- for the hundreth time. Yet this time he made the desicion that he had battled with for too long already. Slipping the bottle into his pocket he headed toward the room where he could hear Rose screaming his name.

xxxxx

Silent, he walked towards her, not one flicker of emotion to betray him.

"You come near me with any of that blue stuff again and I swear I'll castrate you!"

"It was for your own good Rose."

Rose almost laughed. She yanked her hands in the metal restraints that held her to the bed frame. "And these?" she asked with a venomous look. "These are for my own good too, are they?"

"Precautionary measure."

She stilled suddenly, becoming quite calm under his gaze, an unresisting form and almost angelic, until her eyes darkened as she looked up at him.

"If you'd wanted to tie me up, all you had to do was ask," she said as a new and devilish smile flickered at her full lips.

He stared at her, stunned for a moment, his mouth suddenly dry.

She gave a cruel, almost cat-like smile and pulled at the restraints again. "Get these bloody things off me, NOW!"

He moved with sudden urgency to the edge of the bed, gripping her arms as she writhed under him. "Don't," he said, somehow managing to conceal his fears for her. He stared into her accusing eyes, trying to make her understand. "Don't," he said again, softer still this time. "You'll open the wounds if you carry on like that."

She stopped fighting him, her wrists still held in his grip as she gazed up at him. The frightened child returned to her eyes once again.

"Doctor?"

His hearts staggered at the sound of her voice. It couldn't have been... he was imagining things. But still... he couldn't quite push the thought away. Had that been 'his' Rose he'd heard? Or was he finally going mad?

Almost without conscious thought he released one of her wrists, his hand moving to cup her face as he gazed into her bright, fearful eyes.

Rose turned her face so that her cheek rested in his palm. Her eyelids fluttered closed for a second, and her lips parted to allow a soft sigh to escape. Spellbound, his hand moved slowly down the curves of her body, until it came to rest at her hip, his thumb brushing under the edge of her t-shirt, and feeling the coolness of her skin.

Her eyes opened, dark and liquid, as her body arched off the bed and into his touch.

"Release me," she said quietly.

It broke the spell.

"Sorry. Can't do that."

He gently moved his hand away, and Rose hissed at him, full of venom again. Her body crashed back down onto the mattress and she glared at him.

"You can't keep me like this forever," she said angrily.

"I can," the Doctor corrected quietly. "But I'm not going to. You're only going to have to stay like this till I've run a few tests and found some answers. Shouldn't take long."

"What kind of tests?" she asked with suspicion, her eyes narrowing.

He avoided her gaze. "The usual," he said with quite evasion. He got to his feet and crossed to the corner of the room, returning in a moment with empty syringes, he placed them onto a small table next to the bed, then slipping his hand into his pocket he removed the small glass bottle he had brought with him. Carefully he pushed a syringe though the lid of the bottle, drawing out the required blue fluid.

"No!" She bucked angrily, the metal cuffs of the restraints digging into her wrists. If they hurt her wounds, she made no show of pain.

He looked at her out of cold blue-grey eyes, and moved his hand to touch her cheek. Under the skin, he thought to himself. She was still there...under the skin. His Rose.

"Do you trust me, Rose?" he asked, his voice low and soothing.

Rose stopped struggling, almost drowning in the cool waters of his eyes. "Yes," she said, almost a sob.

"Then let me do this. Let me help you."

She nodded wordlessly.

Her eyes never left his face as the Doctor pushed the needle carefully into her arm; releasing the contents of the syringe. As the blue liquid flowed into her body for the second time, he stared into her eyes, searching her face for something, anything that was the Rose he had known... and for a moment, just a moment, before her eyes fluttered closed, he saw it, as her lips offered up a soft slow smile that he not only recognised, but knew and loved. In that second, he saw 'his' Rose. 

The ache of loss tore through him, and he leant forward, pressing his lips to hers, desperate to kiss her before she was taken from him again. If he could just touch her for a second, then it would be enough, and she might know that he loved her, that he always had loved her, from the moment he had taken her hand for the first time... and that he always would.

Her smile drifted away into time beneath his kiss, and he heard her sigh sweet and soft against their parting lips.

He moved back slowly, already aware that Rose was unconscious again, imprisoned in a cell of his own making. He steadied his hands and reached for a second syringe from the table top. He prepared it quickly, pushing the needle into her arm and slowly drawing out an amount of dark red blood from her vein.

He hoped that it held the answers he needed. For her salvation, and for his. 


	6. The Spider to The Fly

This chapter is dedicated to : XXASKTHEANGELS -- for taking the step and reading a Rose regeneration fic! HUGS

CHAPTER SIX : THE SPIDER TO THE FLY

He'd run the tests more than a dozen times, over and over and over, for all the good it did. It made no difference in the end. The result was always the same. He thought about taking more blood, trying again, but it would be a pointless excercise. He already knew what was happening, what was going to happen. He just didn't want to believe it. Yet he had no choice, his unwilling eyes had watched it unfold under the microscope.

Proof positive.

He put his head in his hands and wondered how he was going to tell her.

xxxxx

Rose was sitting on the side of the bed in the med lab, her legs hanging down and swaying slightly as she rubbed at her bandaged wrists and stared at the Doctor. He came forward, carefully taking hold of her hands and placing them on her lap. He gazed with perfect intensity into her wide and trusting eyes.

"I told you not to do that," he reminded her gently, offering her a soft smile as he touched her cheek briefly, before his hand fell away, back to his side. He missed her... that was all, even though she was sitting there in front of him... he missed her. All the same, he hadn't meant to touch her.

She nodded. "Sorry," she said with placid apology. "I won't do it again. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to die." Her breath caught a little. "Oh but I did die... that was clumsy of me." There was a flicker of a smile at her lips. "And it's hearts now," she said ruefully. "I forgot."

Her words cut him. He was the one who should be sorry -- was sorry. He was the one who had let this happen, the one to blame.

"S'okay."

Her gaze intensified, if that was possible. "Did I pass the tests?"

For a second his hearts stopped beating.

He'd know that she would ask him, of course he had, and if he had been a braver man he might have told her the truth as she looked into his face, her eyes filled with expectation. Instead he glanced away, hating himself for his weakness.

"They weren't those kind of tests, Rose." He tried to make her understand. "You couldn't pass or fail. They were just... tests."

She nodded her head as if she understood. She hadn't. "But... did I pass?"

He swallowed down all emotion and forced out a reply.

"Yes Rose," he said, the pain he hid within his hearts almost killing him. "You passed with flying colours. Top marks in fact."

He touched her face again, knowing he shouldn't, but not able to stop himself. She looked so lost, so fragile. His fingers pushed through her hair as his thumb brushed against her cheek, her skin so soft. He closed his eyes and thought of 'his' Rose. He held onto the memory of the girl who had run with him, laughed with him, danced with him. With his eyes tight shut he almost imagined that he could catch the scent of her.

Too much, too much... he opened his eyes and moved away from her. He had to put distance between them if he was going to be of any use.

Yet... he almost believed that the scent of her still lingered on the air between them.

She stared at him for a moment, then her fingers ghosted over her cheek where he had touched her. She closed her eyes, as though returning to the memory, a smile drifting to her lips.

He found himself watching her, transfixed by her. She was so haunted in expression.

He didn't expect the question that she asked in her next breath, and he reeled from it.

"Are they all dead?"

"Who?" he asked.

"The Daleks," she replied, as if he should have known. "Did it work? Did she kill them? She wanted to." She smiled. "For you," she added. "Her Doctor."

He closed his eyes to block the memory, but it was no use, it was still raw within him, the colours were bright, and the wound was fresh. He had held her in his arms and watched uselessly as the time vortex burnt through her, devouring her in a fire of gold, tranforming her into...

He pulled away from the memory. He would not re-live that day again. He could not.

"They're all dead," he said softly, watching her face. "You killed them Rose, don't you remember?"

She tilted her head slightly, an animalistic gesture, like a wolf trying to understand the human words it heard. The intensity in her dark liquid eyes un-nerved him.

"All turned to dust." She smiled, but it wasn't a smile he recognised. "At least she didn't die in vain." Her voice was unnaturally hollow. Emotionless.

It was too much for the Doctor. He moved forward, gripping her arms tightly, jarring her body against him in anger. "She didn't die. I know she's still there. Don't you ever try to tell me she's not there."

Rose gazed up into his eyes -- not at all fazed by the anger she saw there. "She's here," she admitted softly. "Sometimes I can hear her. She's so lost." She leaned closer to him and with her body warm against his and her breath at his ear, she whispered softly; "She's so afraid of the dark."

As though physically stung by her whispered words the Doctor pushed her away from him. He steadied his breathing. He had to remember that she was still Rose, no matter what she said, or how she might goad him, she was still Rose.

She looked at him with new irritation. "I'm bored," she announced.

He frowned, taken aback, surprised even. "Bored?"

"Bored to death." She smiled then laughed a little at the deepening frown that creased the Doctor's face at her words. It was not the laugh he'd heard a thousand times before. So many changes to come to terms with.

"I want to explore," she said, clarifying. "Like we used to."

"You can't." The words were out before the Doctor could stop them. Not that he disagreed with himself, but he wished he hadn't spoken so harshly.

"Why not?" she asked innocently, as if he'd told her she couldn't play with knives, or run with scissors. She could not see the harm, the dangers.

"Rose, you know why not. You're not well enough."

"When will I be well enough?" she demanded. Almost, but not quite, drawing her lips together in a childish pout.

He sighed restlessly, refusing to be drawn into her game. "How long is a piece of string?"

Unexpectedly, she jumped down off the bed and for his sins the Doctor took a step back -- a step away from her.

She saw it with her quick eyes and smiled again... the smile of a predator.

"Who's afraid of the big Bad Wolf?" she teased, moving toward him until their bodies were only inches apart. She gazed up into his face, her eyes shining with... love?

"I want my prize," she said softly. The spider to the fly.

He looked at her, not even seeing the silken web he was falling into. "What prize?"

"I passed your tests... you said I did. I want my prize."

He almost looked away, away from the dark eyes that saw far too much, but that would have been a cruelty she didn't deserve.

"I don't have anything, Rose," he said softly. "No prize. I'm sorry."

She held his gaze, then slowly lifted a hand to his face, tracing his cheek with a touch so soft her fingers might not have been there at all.

The smell of her was all around him... a warm bewitching air of phermones. Her hand crept behind his neck and she drew his face closer.

Their lips were barely apart and she still looked into his eyes. So soft, her lips took his, coaxing, gentle, sweet. The taste of the forbidden fruit he had denied himself for reasons he no longer understood or cared to remember.

He closed his eyes and moved closer, feeling her body pressed against his, yeilding to his touch, his kiss, his thought. For all his worthy notions, he could not refuse her, or himself. Her mouth opened under his, and the kiss deepend, darkend.

The Doctor was losing himself and finding himself all at once. He wasn't sure if what was happening was real or imagined. He wasn't even sure that he cared if it was a dream. He knew that whatever it was, he wanted it. He wanted this connection, this feeling, this closeness. He wanted Rose.

He was vaguely aware of her hands at his shoulders, moving down the length of his arms, tracing his hips, but all the while her kiss distracted him.

He didn't even realise that had been her intention, until it was too late.

He felt the sharp stab of a needle peircing his skin, and pulled back, the loss of her kiss almost overpowering his realisation of the needle stabbed hard into his side... where her fingers had snaked to his naked flesh while his mind had been lost in her.

He tried to scramble for information even as he felt his conscious thought slip away from him. Then he remembered his carelessness ...he'd left the syringes and the Allofaen on the table by the bed.

He thought of her exploring fingers tracing over his body as she had kissed him with growing desire. All a game. All a trick. He slumped against the wall, his fading vision narrowing on her smiling, satisfied face, and almost laughed at his own stupidity.

Oh, clever, clever, girl. Clever Rose.

Then came the darkness. 


	7. A Kiss From A Rose

CHAPTER SEVEN : A KISS FROM A ROSE

The Doctor woke from the blackness which had devoured him. He was on the floor of the med lab, up against the bed where he had slumped to the ground. He was alone. Memory returned to him slowly; dragging it's feet like a battle weary soldier.

He tried to make sense of...he swore under his breath -- Rose. 

He moved to stand, to leave, to find Rose, to -- pain shot through his arm. The Doctor stiffened then looked over his shoulder. What he saw made him sink back to the floor with a dark smile at his lips.

It appeared that Rose had become a surprisingly adroit creature. She had gotten under his skin and tricked him almost effortlessly.

He smiled without humour and yanked hard on the steadfast restraint; a cold metal cuff around one wrist, which secured him to the frame of the bed.

The Doctor knew that if Rose had wanted him held prisoner, then she would have locked both wrist cuffs to hold him there, but no, this was only meant to delay him.

Of course, he couldn't possibly let her get away with it.

If he was right -- and he was almost always right -- then she would have left him with the means to free himself.

With his free hand he reached across to his pocket, carefully dipping his long fingers inside. He shifted his hip slightly, lifting a bit, then his fingers closed over his sonic screwdriver and with a relieved breath he took it from the pocket, holding it infront of his face as he flicked a couple of the delicate controls. A small blue light shone steadily, and he couldn't prevent a self-congratulatory grin as he pointed the device at the lock and waited for the reassurring click as it fell open obediently. He smiled again as he shook his hand free and pocketed the sonic screwdriver. Fantastic little gadget, he thought to himself as he got to his feet.

He stood, rubbing his wrist for a second as he contemplated the empty med bay. As his lungs filled with new breath and his hearts began to beat a little faster he could feel the last of the Allofaen in his bloodstream fade away, leaving him strong again. With a surge of determination he set off through the door and along the corridors in search of Rose.

Unfortunately, even as he ran through the TARDIS, he still had time enough to think about things he really didn't want to think about. There was no telling what Rose had got up to while he'd been... asleep.

The worst of it was, he couldn't really sure how long he'd been unconcious. Allofaen was a tricky little sedative; one of his own inventions. It was completely without side effects and ordinarily he was quite proud of his 'little blue bottles', but he would be the first to admit, it wasn't perfect. It could be a little unpredictable when it came to potency -- it rather depended on species... mostly. Although sometimes batch number was more relevant. He remembered once he had accidently injected himself with a dose -- and woken up four days later. However he felt it was safe enough to assume that he hadn't been out that long this time. So he hoped for the more likely time scale of a couple of hours. Even so, two hours of Rose having free run on the TARDIS...

All the same, he wasn't prepared for the sight that met his eyes when he reached the console room.

The TARDIS had moved. How was that possible? New time and new space. This was his TARDIS -- she shouldn't have moved anywhere or anywhen -- and yet, clearly she had. The TARDIS doors had been flung wide open, and the Doctor stood staring out at a sandy beach with dark cliffs and a wild sea -- definitely not where he'd 'parked'.

He looked at the TARDIS console reproachfully. "What have you done? You should have stopped her. I thought you had more sense! What is it then, you taking sides? All girls together, is it?"

He felt betrayed. Rose had... absconded with his TARDIS, and the machine in question had done nothing to stop her. Perhaps -- he really did not want to believe it -- but perhaps she had even gone willingly. There were certainly no signs of a struggle.

He moved away from the console and crossed to the open doors. He turned back, looking accusingly at the console tower, and directed his anger to the room. "I'm deeply disappointed in you... and just so you know, this conversation is not over."

The TARDIS merely hummed gently in reply.

Turning away, the Doctor stepped out into the cool evening of an alien world and began to walk across the soft golden sands of an empty beach.

The air was crisp and a wind was rising, ruffling the dark sea so that white foam spilled onto the shore as the waves broke. He looked up to the sky and saw it was a paintbox of pink hues, from palest to darkest and back again.

Ahead of him was an outcrop of dark black rocks, and among them he caught sight of a lone figure, standing as immobile as the surrounding rocks -- staring out to sea. He pushed his hands into his jacket pockets and began to walk towards her.

xxxxx

He stopped a few feet away from her. She didn't move, or turn to look at him, but the Doctor knew that she was aware of his presence. He waited in silence, he didn't know how long, it was just time and time did not matter; only Rose mattered.

He watched the sea breeze push it's fingers through her long dark hair. Sometimes he thought he heard her catch her breath and sometimes he thought he saw her shiver; but not from the cold. Eventually he spoke, his words soft and gentle on the cool wind that moved between them like a curious ghost.

"Trust you to find a planet with a pink sky."

Rose turned around slowly and looked into his soul.

The Doctor swallowed hard. Rose's green eyes were filled with tears and her cheeks were wet with their fallen pathways.

"Rose." He spoke her name, and it sounded the same as it had always done.

"Doctor!"

She ran to him, her arms moving up and around his neck as she buried her face in his shoulder and let her body shudder with broken sobs. He wrapped his arms tightly about her and held her close to him until she stilled, quietened. He didn't know how long it took, he didn't care. He was just grateful that she was holding on to him, seeking comfort in his arms, and that she had come to him willingly.

Gently he stroked her hair and let her cry herself out. His eyes closed for a moment as he pushed away his pain and focused on hers.

"Rose..."

She looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

He nodded, believing her. "S'okay."

She shook her head stubbornly. "No, it's not. I shouldn't have done that." She began to tremble in his arms and he brushed away a fresh fallen tear from her cheek. "It was stupid and dangerous. I didn't mean to -- I swear I didn't mean to."

"I said it's okay."

She looked up at him and nervously licked her lips. He flinched inside. She couldn't possibly know how much that innocent action hurt him, reminded him of...

"I'm going mad," she said softly. "It feels like I'm being torn in two, ripped apart from the inside. I don't know who I am anymore -- what I am." She looked deep into his eyes and tried to steady her voice. "I thought if I could just feel what you feel... then it would be okay," she said miserably. "I wanted to know what it felt like to stand on a planet and feel it spin under your feet. I wanted to feel the rush of time move through me." More tears gathered in the corner of her eyes, but this time she refused to let them fall. "I thought it would... fix me."

The Doctor nodded. He'd told her that. It had been such a long time ago, but she'd remembered. He smiled a little.

"So what was it like?" he asked gently.

She glanced away for a second, and then slowly her gaze returned to him. "I didn't feel it," she said in a wretched voice. "It wasn't there. I closed my eyes and I waited. I waited for such a long time... but it didn't come."

The Doctor sighed. He'd expected as much, but now wasn't the time for explanations, they would come later, when she was ready to hear them.

"You're not missing much really," he said softly, and brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. "All it does is make you dizzy. You'd probably have thrown up too. All the fun of the fair, but without the candy floss and toffee apples."

She smiled at him and laughed. The Doctor felt his hearts clench in his chest. The smile, the laugh... they were different. He of all people knew how illogical and pointless it was for the differences to hurt him so much. But they did hurt. He wished that they didn't, but they did.

Suddenly Rose leaned in close and kissed him. Her lips pressing into his with a reckless, dare-devil impulsiveness. Her fingers crept up into his cropped hair, her fingernails grazing his neck. She moaned a little and opened her mouth under his. Instinctively he kissed her back -- wanting her, needing her. For his sins he kissed her, and he was rich in sin. Was it wrong? After all she was still his...

He pulled free of her. "No."

She shook her head a little, her eyes bright with emotions that changed so swiftly he could barely identify them -- but he caught sight of three he recognised, confusion, pain, and loss.

"Close your eyes," she whispered. "Close your eyes and pretend that I'm her." She touched his cheek with tenderness. "You want her back so much. I might not be able to feel the world spin -- but I can feel how much you miss her." She leaned in close again, her voice little more than a breath. "Close your eyes and pretend. Let me be her, for you."

He shook his head as though clearing away the fog of illusion from his mind, and stepped back. "You don't know what you're saying Rose."

"I know you loved her," she said simply. "The other Rose."

He stared at her, shocked but caught by truth he could not deny. He nodded. "I was afraid."

"Of what?"

He looked away from her, back to the TARDIS, wanting the ground to open up and swallow him -- anything but to have to answer her questions.

"Doctor, tell me." She stepped closer.

"We should go back to the TARDIS."

"Were you afraid that I didn't love you?"

His body turned cold. It was HER voice. His mind was playing tricks on him again. He looked back to her green eyes and slowly shook his head.

"I was afraid that... " He stopped and stared helplessly at her. "I was afraid that she did."

Rose let out a breath, and lifted her dark green eyes toward the back cliffs that rose out of the golden sands, stretching to the sky. She looked back to the Doctor. There was no emotion in her eyes to betray her thoughts to him, but when she spoke, her voice was filled with untold sorrow.

"You were right to be afraid."

Time seemed to stand still between them, then the Doctor gave a nod of acceptance.

"It's time to go home, Rose." He held out his hand to her. "Let's go back to the TARDIS."

She took his hand, and as she did so their fingers twisted together as though returning to a preordained place of belonging.

Rose leaned in close to the Doctor, resting her head against his shoulder, and as the shadows they cast merged into one, they walked in silence back across the blonde-gold sands as the sun set blood-red in the pink sky. 


	8. The Cry Of The Wolf

CHAPTER EIGHT : THE CRY OF THE WOLF

The Doctor closed the TARDIS doors behind them and shut his eyes tight as he tried to hold on to the last of his sanity. The darkness of that tiny fraction of time held him in a tender embrace while the melodic song of the TARDIS soothed his thoughts and gently reminded him in a forgiving voice that he had no right to keep such secrets as those he held so close.

However, the Doctor chose not to listen, instead he turned and faced Rose with his best impression of a grin and a sure determination to side step whatever she might ask him. He wanted to lie to her, to tell her that everything was going to be fine. He braced himself to try... if he said the words out loud then perhaps...

Then he saw her face, and the words, whatever they might have been, died on his lips. She was not a child, she was Rose and he could not lie to her.

She stared back at him, her head held high and her green eyes dark. "Tell me what you found out from the tests."

"Rose..." He took a step forward but she backed away, so he stopped.

"I know you're hiding something -- protecting me from something." She lifted her chin with an obstinate air. "I don't need to be protected, Doctor. I need the truth." A flicker of self doubt shone in her eyes, but for no more than an instant, and then it was gone. "Don't... don't I at least deserve that?" she asked.

He looked at her. This Rose, that Rose, it didn't matter, she knew him better than he knew himself. He was putting himself before her needs. He'd wanted to be her saviour and when he had failed he had chosen to protect her from the truth. But covering her eyes and ears didn't make it any less real. He would have done anything he could to make it easier for her, but in the end it was what it was, and he couldn't disguise it any more than he could ignore it.

She was right, she deserved the truth -- bitter as it was.

He nodded reluctantly and began the twisted tale. He had carried Rose's secret within him and now he was setting it free. Somehow, hearing it spoken aloud made it even more real, more cruel.

"You died on Satellite Five," he said quietly. "On the Gamestation. The TARDIS and the time vortex brought you to life again -- it changed you."

"I regenerated," Rose whispered, the brightness of her eyes clouding with memories that had not lost their sting. So much loss, so much pain, so much death. What right had she to still be alive when so many others had fallen?

The Doctor shook his head and Rose's attention returned to him. "No, you didn't."

Her startled eyes met his grey-blue gaze and she could not disguise her confusion. "I didn't?"

"Only Time Lords regenerate, Rose." The Doctor kept his voice soft, calm, fearing he would scare her if he spoke with more conviction. "You... changed."

She frowned, following the clues. "So, you're saying I'm not a Time Lord?"

"Yes."

"No, that can't be right..." She shook her head, stubborn to the last. "I have two hearts and I look... different."

"And there, the similarities end."

She continued to stare at him and the Doctor could see her mind processing this new information. Even in the depths of his guilt and sorrow, he felt a ghost of a smile touch his lips as without hesitation she accepted his word. She did not doubt him. She knew he would never lie to her. Even after all that had passed between them, she still trusted him.

"That's why I couldn't feel the planet spinning," she reasoned, her eyes growing dark with understanding.

"Yes."

"Then what am I?" She squared her shoulders. "I'm not Human, I know that."

"You're a hybrid," the Doctor said slowly. "A combination of Human and Time Lord DNA. Nothing --" He stopped suddenly, correcting himself, "No one like you has ever existed before."

Rose circled the TARDIS console, her fingers threading a lazy pattern through levers and dials as she thought about what the Doctor had said.

"You're not exactly jumping for joy," she said at last. "I take it that mean this isn't going to end with 'and they all lived happily ever after'?"

Somehow the Doctor managed to hold her gaze. He could see the pain and confusion in her eyes. He wanted to hold her, to tell her that everything would be alright, that he would find a way to do the impossible, yet again... but that would be a lie.

"The combination isn't holding, it's unstable. Your genetic make-up is breaking down. Each cell in your body, Human and Time Lord is rejecting the other. The parent DNA is winning." He stared into the depths of her eyes and asked a question of her that he was not sure he wanted to know the answer to. "Can't you feel it?"

For a second Rose glanced away, but then she looked back and nodded. She did feel it. She had felt it the moment she had opened her eyes as this new Rose, but she had dismissed it.

"What's going to happen to me?"

The Doctor steeled himself. He had to tell her -- he was the only one who could. "Soon there won't be anything of the time vortex or the Time Lords left inside you Rose -- it's all dying."

"And so am I?" She didn't know why she asked the question when she already knew the answer, it shone like unshed tears in the Doctor's eyes.

He nodded. If there words he didn't know them. He had outlived so many, seen so much, learned so much and still he was helpless in the face of death. Yet as he met her gaze he felt a tug of admiration pull at his hearts as Rose faced off against odds she couldn't even calculate, let alone beat.

He smiled again, understanding something in that one moment that his race had chosen to ignore -- there was something to envy within the Human spirit. Something rare and beautiful that shone with a simple brilliance when faced with the unconquerable. His people did not have a word for it, but he saw it shine within Rose and knew that it was real.

She licked her suddenly dry lips. "How long?"

"Sooner rather than later," he said. Honesty was all he had left to give. "I could try to slow it down... but I can't stop it."

She looked at him with acceptance in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said sadly.

"You're sorry?" He didn't understand. Rose had nothing to be sorry for. This was his fault -- all of it.

She turned away from him, moving to leave the console room, but at the threshold of the door leading to the labrinyth of the TARDIS, she hesitated and looked back.

"I'm sorry that -- that you have to watch me die again." Then she turned and walked through the door and it swung shut behind her.

The Doctor did not move, he stood there alone with his thoughts as the gentle hum of the TARDIS swept around him like a worried parent. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, hoping to rid himself of the bitter taste that lingered there -- the taste of truth. He put his hands flat onto the console, leaning over it, his eyes closing tight in silent agony.

He had never felt so helpless.

xxxxx

Even though he knew it was pointless, the Doctor found himself returning to his desk to go over his papers again. He sat staring at the pages and sank further into despair. He wanted to ask for a miracle but he knew that he was too tainted by his past to deserve any such gift. He half believed that losing Rose was a punishment he deserved and gave a dark smile as he considered the look of disdain on the faces of his fellow Time Lords if only they could see how the mighty On-Coming Storm had fallen -- brought to his knees by a Human.

Minutes passed like hours, hours like days, until eventually he pushed the papers away, unable to stomach the sight of them a moment longer. He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes as with a growing dread he thought of the days to come. Days without Rose.

He slowly became aware of something in the background hum of the TARDIS -- a note that sounded almost out of tune. It was slight, hardly there at all, but it was repeating enough for him to notice it. He opened his eyes and listened. Nothing. He almost rejected it, but then he heard it again, a little louder this time and suddenly knowing in the pit of his stomach what it was he was hearing he pushed his chair back from the desk and made his way to Rose's room.

xxxxx

He opened the door slowly, slipping silently into the darkness of the room. He stood for a moment, his eyes quickly adjusting to the lack of light. Rose lay asleep on her bed, her body shifting restlessly through nightmares.

He moved without making a sound until he was standing by the side of her bed. Her skin was so pale, her dark hair splayed out against the white pillow. He sat down on the edge of the bed and touched her forehead as she stilled for a moment. She was so cold.

"Rose..." he whispered softly.

She cried out and her body arched off the bed for a moment, then collapsed back down sudddenly. She trembled, but not from cold. Her head turned into the pillow and she screamed, her body sitting suddenly upright, her green eyes wild and unseeing as her frantic heartbeats raced.

The Doctor took her into his arms, instinctively whispering soft soothing words that would lead Rose out of the darkness if she chose to follow his voice. Rose clung to him, little more than a terrified child, her breath coming in frantic gasps, the nightmare still holding tight. Gradually he felt her breathing calm into an easier pattern and her body relax against his.

"I'm here. It's alright, you're safe now." He kissed her cheek softly. "It was a nightmare that's all."

Rose sighed heavily and leant back. "It felt real."

"They usually do."

"Wolves," she whispered.

He frowned. "It was about wolves?"

"The wolves came. They stood at my side. I was one of them. We were the same. I could hear the cry of the wolf. I could feel what they could feel. The blood, the fire, the hunt." Rose lifted her eyes to the Doctor's face. "They tried to stop it, but they couldn't -- it was too late. It was already there. It was in the darkness. It was coming."

"What was?" The Doctor asked softly.

She stared into his eyes. "Death."

He smoothed a hand over her hair, pushing it from her face. "Just a nightmare," he reminded her.

She sank back down onto the bed but grabbed his hand as he made to leave. "Stay with me."

He held her frightened gaze. "Rose, I..."

"Please stay with me." Her eyes shone bright and her fingers tightened around his.

He nodded and she released his hand.

The Doctor took off his leather jacket and removed his heavy boots, as Rose, her eyes never leaving his, shifted across on the bed to make room for him. As he lay down next to her Rose curled into his arms, her head resting on his chest. She closed her eyes tight and listened to the sound of his two hearts beating in time with hers. It seemed to comfort her.

She moved closer still and stifled a sob. "I'm not afraid," she said with faint conviction.

The Doctor put his hand under her chin, gently tilting her face upwards so that her tear filled eyes met his.

"I know," he whispered softly then with infinite gentleness he kissed her lips, then slowly pulled back so that he could gaze into her eyes again.

She smiled a little, and the Doctor felt her relax, her body finding comfort in his arms. No more than moments passed until she slipped away into dreams, the nightmares banished by her protector.

xxxxx

The Doctor closed his eyes as Rose slept. Her body warmed his and he found peace in the silence they shared. Time passed slowly and he savoured each moment, content as he was just to lie down with her and listen to the sound of her breathing. He would smile sometimes when she moved to curl closer to him or when she made small sounds that were music to his ears. He knew bliss, holding her, keeping her safe, loving her.

The thought made him open his eyes in sudden realisation. He found himself staring into Rose's face, and he smiled. Loving her.

Without conscious thought or intention, he moved his hand to brush against her cheek.

He loved her. The simplicity of the revelation shook him. This was Rose -- his Rose. He had wanted to protect her. So he had pushed her away from him and held her at arms length because he hadn't wanted to hurt her. But now, faced with the future the cards had dealt them both, he understood. This was their time, the only time they would ever be able to claim as their own. He could not love her any more than he already did. She was Rose. She was his Rose. Nothing else mattered.

Gently he brushed his thumb across the fullness of her lips, haunted by the memory of her kiss. He almost felt his hearts stop as Rose's eyes opened, instinctively seeking his. She smiled at him, a sleepy smile filled with trust and love, and he knew he was damned. He cupped her face and drew her lips to his, all the while believing she would reject him.

She did not.

Her mouth opened under his and her fingers moved to touch his face, fingernails grazing his skin as they pushed into his close-cropped hair and held his face to hers, as though she were afraid he would leave her.

He did not.

They did not require words. Their bodies knew enough. Hands moved to undo the complications of buttons and zips and they rid themselves of their clothes, each undressing the other even as their fevered kisses skimmed across the revelation of their naked bodies.

Fingernails dug into flesh, teeth grazed skin and kisses drank of dark passions. There was a growing wildness between them that neither could control, both having denied it's existence for so long, now that it was released it consumed them.

There was a sense of destiny fulfilled as their bodies moved to come together, and only in that one moment, the moment before they became one being, did they still and look with wonder into each others eyes before falling willingly into the abyss of their hearts desire.

They cried out in the darkness and they learnt the hidden secrets of their flesh. 


	9. Borrowed Time

CHAPTER NINE : BORROWED TIME

The Doctor stirred reluctantly in the warm bed and opened his eyes. A rich, lazy, satisfied smile came to his mouth as the events of the previous few hours uncurled from the slumber of his mind. He stretched his body and moved an arm across the bed to reach for Rose, the need to draw her close to him his first thought. But instead of touching Rose's soft and scented skin the Doctor's fingers brushed over the cool empty space beside him and he sat up, his eyes moving to confirm what he already knew -- he was alone. His smile faded as he considered for a second that waking to find Rose gone was turning into a habit. He pushed back the thin white sheet which covered his naked body and stood up. He pulled on his jeans and set about looking for the rest of his clothes. As he crossed the room to retrieve his jumper from the other side of the bed -- Rose's side, he caught sight of his reflection in a long mirror that hung on the wall. He stood and stared. His body carried the wounds of battle, sharp cuts and scratches, savage bites and bruises. The man in the mirror gave a knowing smile... that's what comes of sleeping with a wolf.

xxxxx

The Doctor discovered Rose in the console room. The TARDIS doors were open wide and Rose, bathed in bright morning sunlight, was leaning against the door frame looking out across the golden beach, as large red and orange feathered creatures swept down fishing for their breakfast.

She was wearing battered old jeans, scruffy trainers and a rose pink top, her long dark hair was tied back into a ponytail. The Doctor smiled to himself and walked across the room, only stopping when he was at Rose's side. He wrapped his arms around her and began to drop soft kisses to the warm skin of her neck; breathing in the smell of her, letting her wash through his senses. She pressed her body closer to his and tilted her neck to allow him to bestow even more kisses.

"You bite," he whispered against her skin.

She turned in his arms and wound her hands up behind his neck, even though she'd sworn to herself that she wouldn't, that she'd be stronger. But she still needed him, still wanted him and her resolve was slipping away.

"So do you," she said softly and drew his lips to hers. She opened her mouth under his kiss, letting him inside. She moaned a little and pressed her body closer to his; already knowing that she could never be close enough. She felt the Doctor's cool touch; fingers slipping under the fabric of her top and caressing the warm flesh he found there, moving up her back, holding her close as he kissed her, leading her willingly into passions. His hand slowly moved to cup her breast and she felt the spark of desire which burned in her, suddenly burst into wild fire. She knew that soon she wouldn't be able to control it. It would consume her. It would consume them both. She knew that if she didn't stop now, she wouldn't be able to later.

She pulled back suddenly and stared into the Doctor's face. "Don't," she whispered.

He held her gaze as he tried to control the speed of his hearts. "You want me to stop?"

Rose looked away. "I can't... I can't do this."

The Doctor reached out and turned her face back to look at him. Her eyes were full of tears. "Rose, you've already done this -- so have I." He smiled and stroked her cheek. "Last night was..."

"A mistake." She knocked his hand away and walked out onto the beach, heading for the crashing ocean.

The Doctor stared after her for a moment, then pulling himself together he set off in pursuit.

Catching up with her, he gripped her arms and spun her around to face him. "A mistake?" he echoed in disbelief. "Is that what you think it was?"

Rose lifted her face, her cheeks were splashed with fallen tears which she had not been strong enough to keep at bay. "Please don't," she begged, almost breaking.

"Rose..."

Again she shrugged free of his hold on her, but this time she stood her ground and met him with every scrap of bravery she could summon from her hearts.

"Last night I needed you. You felt sorry for me and you made love to me. I understand that. But I don't want your sympathy in the cold light of day, Doctor." She shuddered, but did not look away. "You don't have to pretend anymore."

He stared into her eyes as slowly he began to understand. He'd been so stupid. So stupid. He caught her face in his hands and held it gently as he drowned in her green eyes. He should have said the words. She had needed to hear them. He should have told her the truth he'd hidden so far away, so deep within his hearts.

"Rose..." he wispered softly. "I should have told you. I'm so sorry." He dropped soft kisses to her cheeks, tasting the salt of her tears. "I love you." He gazed into her wide, shocked eyes. "I love you Rose Tyler." Then he kissed her soundly, deeply, honestly, with all his love. Trying to make her understand.

He hadn't come to her bed because she was dying. He hadn't stayed with her because he'd felt sorry for her. He hadn't made love to her through any sense of pity. He'd done it all because he loved her. She had to understand that. She had to believe.

His kisses were soft, soft, soft. Rose could do nothing but let them in. She felt the Doctor draw her body closer, heard him give a low moan and tasted his need, his desire... his love. He was cool and burning at the same time, needing her, wanting her and yet still so afraid that the sins of his past made him unworthy.

She opened her eyes and pulled back, staring into his face. She smiled slowly, at last understanding -- understanding everything.

"When did you...?" She shook her head, it was too insane. He loved her. He loved her. She bit down on her lip to stop herself from screaming out the words.

The Doctor pulled her back to him, his precious, beloved, sweet, beautiful Rose. "Since that morgue in Cardiff," he smiled at her. "I suppose that's the first time I was sure... really sure." His eyes shone with the love he held in his hearts.

Rose wondered if confession really was good for the soul. She took a deep breath. "I've loved you since 'run'." She blushed. "You don't think I'd go swinging over the Nestene Consciousness, for just any 900 year old Time Lord do ya?"

The Doctor touched Rose's temple, brushing back a stray lock of her dark hair. "You don't think I'd just fall in love with any under-sevens bronze medal winning gymnast, do ya?" He stroked her cheek and pressed a kiss to her lips then drew back, taking her hand in his. "We should get back to the TARDIS -- there's a lot to do."

"Do?"

"I have to start working on something to slow down your cell deterioration, Rose."

"No, Doctor." She shook her head. "I don't want you to."

She touched his face, seeing his confusion and unwillingness to believe what she had said. She trailed a finger to his lips to stop his protest.

"I watched the sunrise this morning and I understand. Everything has a time. Everything dies Doctor, don't you remember telling me that? I'm living on borrowed time. I don't want to spend what little I have left looking for a cure that doesn't exist."

The Doctor held her gaze for a moment then nodded helplessly. She was right, there was no cure to be found when one didn't exist. The choice was Rose's... and he understood.

She smiled brightly up at him, his acceptance and understanding and love giving her reason enough to hold on to what time she had left; precious time, time she would spend with the man she loved.

She tugged at his hand. "Come on then," she encouraged as she set off along the beach.

"Where are we going?" the Doctor asked, falling into step with her.

"I don't know -- anywhere." Rose replied, almost laughing. "The TARDIS brought us here, so I think it's only right we should explore."

The Doctor stopped suddenly, letting go of her hand. "What did you say?"

Rose frowned a little, something in the tone of the Doctor's voice putting her on edge. His whole manner had changed, although he was trying to hide it from her.

"I... I said we should explore."

"You said the TARDIS brought us here."

She nodded, her eyes wide, her mouth suddenly dry.

"I thought you brought us here, Rose."

Rose shook her head. "No, I... I tried to make her work but she wouldn't." She frowned a little, remembering the person she had been before, before she had accepted who and what she was, what she had become. "I got angry, frustrated. You know what I was like... nothing in my head made sense. I was unstable. I told her I just wanted to find a place where I belonged."

"So the TARDIS brought you here? Not back to Earth. Not back to Jackie." The Doctor looked at the wild ocean, then back to Rose. "Here."

"Yes." Rose was feeling a little afraid now and she didn't know why.

The Doctor looked around the beach. Taking in every detail of what he saw, the pink sky, the orange sun, the black cliffs -- even the flame coloured sea birds. Eventually he turned to face Rose.

"This is Jerro," he said solemnly. "This is the resting place of the dead." 


	10. The Brothers of Solace

CHAPTER TEN : THE BROTHERS OF SOLACE

Rose looked at the black cliffs and the untamed sea that crashed restlessly against the huge dark rocks. Then she smiled gently into the Doctor's concerned face.

"Resting place of the dead, eh?" She wrapped her arms about herself, but not because she felt cold. "I'll fit right in then."

"Don't... don't say that." The Doctor pulled at her arms and brought her body up against his own.

He wrapped her close to him, holding on to her tightly, almost as if he thought he could protect her from any and all evils; just as long as she remained held safe in his arms. Perhaps even the keen eyes of Death would not notice her, and pass her by.

Rose let him hold her and pressed her body close to his, closing her eyes as she listened to the fierce double-beat of the Doctor's hearts. She could almost taste his fear -- not for himself, but for her and what she was to face.

She lifted her eyes to his, still held within the protective circle of his arms and smiled again. But this was a different smile, a smile meant to show that she had accepted what was to come and that he should also.

She stood on tip-toe and brushed her lips to his in a brief kiss, then stepped back, moving out of his arms and meeting his dark gaze.

"Tell me about this place," she said softly. "Tell me about Jerro."

The Doctor shook his head, still unwilling to accept the coldness of reality with the same grace Rose had. "You don't belong here Rose. The TARDIS got it wrong."

Rose glanced back at the TARDIS and smiled fondly. She loved that silly old blue box almost as much as the Doctor did, and whatever the TARDIS had done, whatever the reason was she had brought them to this world... she had not made a mistake.

She looked up at the Doctor again. "You don't believe that any more than I do," she whispered softly.

The Doctor hesitated then drew in a breath of crisp sea air, he tasted salt at his lips and steeled himself to answer Rose's questions however much he loathed to speak the words. He let the sway of the planet wash through him, its constant spin grounding him like an anchor. The sensations that swept through him were both welcome and familiar and in some small way they were a comfort to him.

"The entire planet is a graveyard," he said at last. "The dead of countless races are brought here and left for the Brothers to watch over."

"The Brothers?" Rose asked, her head tilting slightly.

"The Brothers of Solace," the Doctor replied. "They're a order that consider the dead to be sacred -- pure -- free from the sin they were soaked in during life. They came to Jerro centuries ago. They had been searching for a desolate world to claim as their own. Jerro was ideal. It was uninhabited, inhospitable and had few natural resources. It was exactly what they wanted -- a place of solitude where the dead could be looked after with due reverence."

Rose frowned a little. "I don't understand. Why bring the dead here? Why aren't they buried on their home worlds?"

"It's the same on every planet. The population grows and so does the death rate. Soon enough the dead start to out number the living. All but the most intolerable planets have been colonised and suddenly even the most wretched piece of ground is precious." The Doctor stared deep into Rose's wide eyes as she continued to gaze up at him. "Wars have been fought over the most pathetic lumps of rock, simply because they have water," he said quietly.

"Won't the day come when Jerro is colonised?" Rose asked.

The Doctor shook his head. "No. It's not worth it. Besides, where would they send their dead to? No, Jerro belongs to the dead. This is where they sleep. Watched over by the Brothers. They make no distinction between race or religion, all they ask is for the bodies of the dead to be left in their care for eternity. There are Slitheen buried here, and Krillitanes. I think there are even one or two Cybermen." He smiled dryly. "Like I said... they take all sorts."

Rose nodded her head, both understanding and accepting what the Doctor had told her. "I see."

The Doctor brushed her cheek with long, tender fingers. His voice soft when he spoke. "Rose, let me take you back to Earth."

She shook her head at once. "I can't go back, not looking like this. Mum would... she'd..." Rose closed her eyes for the space of a heartbeat, to hide a moment of fear that stirred within her. "An' even if she could get her head around it, I'd have to tell her I was dying. What's that gonna do to her?"

She looked out toward the foaming, thrashing sea and then back to the Doctor. Rose Tyler had been born on Earth and died on the Game Station. Yet, she had been re-born, conceived during a one night stand between the time vortex and a mass of unraveling DNA. She was a mistake. Her very existence was a joke, and a cruel one at that.

She didn't belong on Earth -- not any more. If she belonged anywhere, then it was here.

The Doctor stared into Rose's eyes and he knew at once that he had lost her. She had made her choice, and he could not steer her back to him.

"What do I tell Jackie?" he asked.

"Tell her I'm sorry, an' tell her... tell her I loved her." A nervous smile flickered at her lips and she blinked away her tears.

"This is what you want? You're sure?"

Rose nodded. "The TARDIS was right to bring me here."

She reached up and traced her fingers over the Doctor's face, a soft smile coming to her lips. "No one to ask questions. No one to learn your secret."

She slipped her hand into his and pulled gently, a warm smile playing at her lips. "Now, come on. I think we should go an' introduce ourselves. Don't you, Doctor?"

He could not refuse her. He loved her. He would have done anything she asked of him. But she was asking him to let her die, and he did not know where he would find the strength to do that.

They walked hand in hand together across the wind-swept beach. They were not aware of the sounds of the crashing ocean or of the screech of the sea-birds. All they knew was that they were together, and that was all that mattered.

It was enough... because it was everything.

xxxxx

The soft golden beach with its jagged teeth of black rocks, gradually gave way to a narrow stretch of stone and shingle. Then they were climbing pale, straw-coloured sand dunes, and suddenly found themselves standing on higher ground; the wild ocean below them, and the palest pink sky still a thousand miles above.

The ground had levelled out after the last dune and a green world met Rose's eyes. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting, but certainly nothing as beautiful as this. The higher ground was lush with colour and the air was warm and sweet. Ahead of them was what seemed to be a small farm, the 'farmhouse' was a large wooden building that looked just about ready to fall down. Several hooded figures were bustling about -- but somehow, not hurrying. They appeared to be busy with their chores -- pulling water from a well, gardening, milking and the like.

Rose turned to the Doctor and smiled, feeling safe and content. This was a peaceful place.

It didn't take long for one of the Brothers to look up from his work and notice the two strangers walking towards them. Gradually word seemed to spread as more and more of the hooded men lifted their heads, abandoning their appointed tasks to watch their approach with interest.

As Rose and the Doctor came to stand amongst them the Brothers stepped aside to allow another robed figure to move forward. He pushed back his cowl, revealing a face that was worn, but whos eyes were bright and young. He reached out his hands in welcome.

"We have been waiting for you," he said, his voice soft and aged.

As he spoke, there was a sudden chorus of soft whispering from the those who surrounded them, and then gradually all but the man who had shown his face, bowed their heads down in solemn reverance.

The man standing infront of Rose smiled softly. "I am Brother Demet, welcome to Jerro. May you find peace." His worn face seemed somehow comforting. "Fear not my child," he said in a wise and knowing tone. "Death will embrace you soon."

The Doctor's hold on Rose tightend and he pulled her close, wanting, needing to protect her -- even if he knew that was an impossible task.

"What do you mean, you've been waiting for her?" the Doctor asked the man who stood before them.

Brother Demet smiled with gentle understanding, but did not elaborate. "As I said." His attention remained fixed on Rose. "We have been waiting." He placed his hand on the shoulder of one of the Brothers. "Brother Jeral will show you inside and give you sustenance."

"Thank you," Rose said, before the Doctor could make any objection. She looked up at him, silent in her reassurance. She wasn't afraid, and he shouldn't be. She fell into step behind the Brother -- Jeral -- who had been given the task of escorting them to the house, but the Doctor's hand still tightly held hers.

For a while the Brothers stood and watched the three figures make their journey to the house, then Brother Demet looked at the man to his side, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Go to Father Haran," he said, his eyes never moving from Rose until he watched the heavy door close behind her. "Tell him The Golden Child is here." 


End file.
